So I’m in Slovenia, and it’s gorgeous. I mean, I guess I should stop stating the obvious. Like, I’m really gonna go to any foreign country and hate it or not think its outdoors are beautiful. Anyway, I’ve been to this sweet contemporary art museum, and Lake Bled (!!), and also spend a lot of time just chilling out in cafes. Oh, and there was this guy playing an automatic little organ thing inside the Ljubljana castle, and I thought it was some traditional Slovenian song or something until I realized it was Fernando! Like from the 70s.
Anyway, the night we got here, we were hungry as it was late and hadn’t eaten yet, and we asked this guy who worked at our hostel where we should eat. He told us there were a couple bakeries around us, but they really just had donuts. But we could go to a few Kebap places if we wanted to, that were apparently 'very good.' Ordinarily, I’m so down for Kebap, but I just came from Bosnia, and that’s literally all I ate for like 6 days…so I was like fugh. So we walked around and we saw a McDonalds sign down the road and we were like ‘Ok we’re just gonna go there.’ Halfway there, who do we run into? The guy from our hostel, on his bike. He’s on break and was like ‘The bakery is back that way….’ And we sheepishly reply ‘….we’re going to McDonalds…’ and it turns out so was he. The food he recommended must have been great.
So anyway that was amusing, but last night we decided to get ingredients for sandwiches as we didn’t want to eat McDonalds again, or Kebap, or donuts, or to walk any further. So we went to a supermarket near our hostel to get stuff. I wanted to get grapes. I was confused though because there were two different kinds of grapes and you have to weigh it yourself and print out a label and everything, so this nice guy who worked the store helped me out. He also asked what a grapefruit was and thought it was really funny that a grape and grapefruit are so different. Anyway, that was a really nice encounter, especially because it ended with this:
NG: ‘Where are you from?’
J: The US
N: Really?
J: Yep!
N: That’s good. If you ever need any help, do not hesitate to ask. Anyone. We are very helpful in Slovenia. Welcome to our country.
Right? That couldn’t have gone any better. So anyway I take my grapes and meet my girls over by the breads. 2 minutes later, the nice guy is back. We then have an interaction along the lines of this:
NG: I am very proud of the United States.
J: Oh, wow, well thanks!
NG: I consider you my ally.
J: Ha, well, cool.
NG: You know why? Because of words on your dollar: In God We Trust.
J: Oh, well-
NG: You know why else? I have problem with the Mujahideens (sp?).
…*looks around*… All right. So this now went from being a really nice, friendly encounter to being somewhat frightening and really annoying. Because when he said the word Mujahideens (sp?), he gave me this really weird look, like, ‘You know what I mean. Enough said.’ Or something. And I got really comfortable, because I didn’t want to have a political discussion but I also didn’t want to totally just be like ‘Oh yeah I’m a Christian and I hate Arabs too and all Americans are the same and love Bush’, and I also didn’t want to be just blow him off…because now it was obvious he was here to talk. So he continued to say things like ‘I cannot be too loud though, as people won’t like what I say.” Uh, yeah. So after a few more seconds, he has to leave to go attend to some supermarket business. My friends and I are now trying to pick out the best kind of juice to drink. After a minute or so, he’s back. This time he’s holding a credit card. Apparently someone left their credit card, and he makes this joke about how he wants to give me the card, but can’t. ‘But I’m no criminal. I swear.’
Whatever. I’m so ready to get out of this place but the line for checkout is like 20 people long and we’re going nowhere fast. After awhile he’s back, and get this. This is what happens next:
NG: You know much about the building in Virginia?
J: Which building?
NG: The very important building where all the information is kept…
J: The Pentagon?
NG: No, I don’t think that’s in Virgina. You know,the building, with intelligence.
J: Oh, you mean the CIA?
NG: Yes! Yes. Who is the head of CIA?
J: Oh….um….I don’t know actually.
NG: You should read more books.
What? Really? You all know me well enough to understand why this is so ironic and hilarious. But still, really annoying. Whatever, I just want to get out of there. But he’s not done.
NG: You know what the only army is that is better than yours?
J: …….*shakes head with wide eyes and slight sigh*……
NG: The Israelis!
Oh god. I am NOT gonna do this here and now. In fact, I wouldn’t do this anywhere. I’m STILL way back in line and he’s trying to convince me about how much the Israelis have to fight for. I don’t even know what happened next but eventually I got out of there. Thank god.
And did you know that there are Aldis EVERYWHERE in Europe? I’ve never even seen one outside of Iowa, let alone outside the US. They’re never mentioned in movies or TV shows, so what is that? But anyway, I’ve seen one in Germany, and like 40 in Slovenia now…but in Slovenia, they have a different name: Hofer. There are Hofers EVERYWHERE. I know right?
- Josh A
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