So,
The following is a summary of my time in Budapest.
I arrived in Budapest 2 evenings ago. I came on a SIX HOUR train from Zagreb, and I shared a carriage with these 5 Brits. They were pretty cool and taught me how to play Hearts (which I’m kind of good at), and we talked about the War in Iraq and they taught me about health care and education in the UK. PS did you know that in the UK, you just study ‘medicine’ as an undergrad? I don’t get it. They tried explaining it to me but it didn’t make any sense. You’re just admitted out of high school, I guess. It was just hard taking them seriously because even in the US, 90% of the time I meet someone who’s pre-med, I’m like ok right. Next time I see you, you’ll be English. Anyway, so I get to Budapest and I eat McDonalds and find my hostel. The hostel is literally a huge apartment. Like, someone bought this awesome loft, put a bunch of bunk beds in it, and bam. Hostel. But it’s awesome so shut up.
Upon arrival, the first thing I saw was a man in the kitchen to my left, cooking and wearing nothing but pink boxers, and his ass-crack in plain view. He looked just like Sayid Jarrah. I checked in and soon came into contact with Tyler Baird. Or really, a Tyler Baird facsimile. This was so strange because I had just thought of Tyler and decided to send him a postcard. I met new Tyler and literally, he started talking to me and it was as though the Lord was like ‘You miss Tyler? Well here ya go!’ Further proof that someone’s looking out for me on this trip. Have I told you about this feeling yet?
Essentially, everything that could have gone right so far has. I haven’t missed a single train, or got lost, or gotten mugged or bought the wrong tram ticket or anything like that. It just really feels as though someone is watching out for me. As corny as it sounds, it’s comforting. Knock on wood.
Anyway, Tyler and I start talking and he’s from Canada and he’s cool and whatever, and then someone comes in and they’re like ‘There’s a big supper out here if you guys want some.’ So, in accordance with my new attitude about always being social, I have to oblige him. So I go into the kitchen and the half-naked middle eastern man was apparently cooking a FIVE COURSE MEAL for all the guests at this hostel. And he’s Egyptian.
So the meal consisted of lentil soup, roast chicken, French fries, an Egyptian salad, and then desert. It was all laid out in high-class restaurant style with tea lights and everything. I had actually already eaten at McDonalds b/c I’m pathetic, but like I said, I had to be social. So I ate anyway. The food was sweet but the social experience was lacking. Everyone there was British and they all were British together with their weird British humor and this one girl tried to convince me that the British office is better than the American Office and I was just done. Then the Egyptian guy started getting really weird. He started trying to make everyone eat more and more and more even though everyone was full, because we’re normal. Then he started eating chicken legs whole, including the bone. And when someone was eating their chicken with a fork, he’d demand to know why they didn’t use their fingers. Then it got kind of hairy. I’m always interested in dining etiquette around the world, so the following transpired:
J: Is it common to use your hands to eat in Egypt?
SJ: Man, we use the same things you do. We have forks, knives, all the same.
J: No, I mean like in the US, we all use hands for lots of stuff. Pizza, sandwiches, etc. In Europe, people use a fork and knife for everything.
SJ: What?! Fork and knife for pizza! Well in Egypt, we do have restuarants man. It’s just like you. If you go out to eat, you use fork and knife. If you stay in, you use hands. But we have all the same. Everything. Spoons, silverware, everything.
What a bunch of stupid shit. He’s like offended and didn’t get what I was saying, so I just dropped it. Everyone was weirded out by him and it was obvious that everyone kind of wanted to go, but we had to stay because there was so much food left, not only on the table but on our plates. Then it was time for desert. Let’s just say…it was constantly surprising.
Imagine a huge ice cream sundae that you can split with 4 people…including whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate syrup, and raspberries. Sounds appetizing right? That’s what we see the Egyptian man preparing. He brings it over, and says ‘Who’s first?’ and we all just look at each other like holy shit. He’s making a HUGE sundae for each one of us individually. Once we look closer, we realize that it is a Sundae…but there’s no ice cream. Instead of ice cream, it’s cous cous. Yeah. Apparently, this is common in Egypt. And all cous cous are sweet. So, we’re all so full we’re about to vomit, but we each get this huge cous cous sundae.
All of a sudden, Egyptian guy is gone. No one knows where he went, or why, or if he’s coming back. So we all take this opportunity to scrape the 75% of the sundaes we didn’t eat into the garbage and do all the dishes. There’s only one sink so we all end up taking dishes into the bathrooms and it’s all stupid and funny. I stuck around in case Sayid came back, because I really wanted to say thank you, but he never did.
The next morning, Tyler and I get up and decide to go to the Terror House. This is a house that used to be the headquarters of the Nazi Party in Hungary, and then the Soviet KGB. It was then known as the ‘House of Loyalty.’ Hundreds or even thousands of political prisoners were brought here to be questioned or executed. To put it simply, a lot of really fucked up, terrifying things happened here. We learned all about the Stalinist regime and the Nazis and saw a bunch of uniforms and propaganda and it was so sad, because we even toured these cells where people were tortured, murdered, etc.
It was very much what I imagine visiting Auschwitz or another concentration camp is like. Some of the exhibits were just unreal, like there was a video of all these women prisoners (survivors) who got to come face to face with prison guard, another woman, and confront her with all that she had done to them. It was like The Reader kind of, but for real. These women were just like ‘You were so sadistic. How could you do this to us?’ and she just kept replying that she was under orders. There was this beautiful room called the Hall of Tears, which not only included a list of all the known victims, but also a list of all the known victimizers…and it had their date of birth and date of death. Some of them are still alive. Who knows what they’re doing now? It didn’t say whether they were in jail or just living in Russia.
Anyway, halfway through, I run into the people from the train.
This is like the third time something like this has happened on my trip, and it’s just ridiculous how small of a place Europe is. So Tyler Baird and I join the Brits and one of them has just turned into such an asshole. He’s flirting with all these slutty girls and he even scares one of them through this hole in a cell where dozens of people probably cried their eyes out or yelled for help in their last hours, and then all of a sudden he’s like ‘Well what’s your last name mate? I’ll add you on facebook.’ He hasn’t yet. Probably because he’s an asshole.
This apparently isn’t even uncommon. I have talked with two different people now who have been to Auschwitz and it seems there are always people there just talking and joking and being loud like they’re at fucking Sonic or something. I hate people. Anyway, I was glad to leave the Terror House so I could get away from British George who’s apparently going to be a doctor, but I’m so glad I went. It was probably the best museum I’ve ever been to, and it was so wonderful to actually bear witness to something that has happened here. I didn’t make it to Poland or Germany really, so this was really the only monument to the Soviet or Nazi occupation I’ve seen throughout this trip. And I of course learned a lot and it was all very moving. And I got 2 postcards for Jason.
So then Tyler and I decide to go to a thermal bath. Budapest is full of hot springs and there are like 20 baths around town. We go to the Gellert baths, which are supposed to be the best one, and it’s AWESOME. It’s like, swimming in a huge cathedral. There are 4 pools of varying temperature, and they even had a wave pool that put Lost Island to shame. These waves were like water on fucking steroids. They kicked our ass with every splash. So, that was a great day.
Of course, while walking around these various sites, I bought some postcards. However, they’re still all sitting in my bag and probably will be for a few more days because everywhere I go, I am told something different about postage. Did I tell you about Croatia?? Well, these stupid Croats who sold me stamps didn’t tell me that I needed two stamps on every card to send it to the US, so now all my Croatian postcards are just sitting in postcard limbo and I’m still mad about it. So, I’m not sending anything else until I’m sure where they’re going.
It started at this shop we went to where I got some gifts for loved ones. I bought 2 post cards, and they were like ‘You want stamps?’ and I’m like ‘Yes, please! Can I have 10 to the USA please?’ and they’re like ‘We can only sell you 2.’ Because I bought 2 postcards. Who know the Hungarians were so greedy? Stupid capitalism. So they sell me one for each card I bought and each is worth like 200 Forint or something.
Though this was annoying, at least I know this isn’t like Bosnia where stamps are only sold at post offices. So next, Tyler and I go into this huge church, and the first thing I do is head to the gift shop. ‘Do you have stamps to the USA?’ I ask. They say yes, and they’re not greedy bitches, so they’ll give me as many as I’d like. However, they give me ones that are worth 400 Forint. So I’m like ‘Do I only need one stamp for each card?’ and they say ‘Yes. One stamp. One card. To the US.’
Ok. So I look at Tyler, and he shows me HIS postcards and stamps that he bought, and his cost 500 a piece. We’re totally confused now. It’s like, what the hell? How much do stamps cost and how many do I need dammit? So I spent the evening going about asking every possible person I can find if they know how much a stamp to the US costs, and no one knows or gives me a straight answer. And the post offices aren’t open until Monday, though I’m leaving Sunday. Whatever, my Budapest cards will just have Czech stamps. Multiculturalism!
Anyway today, a bunch of kids who totally look like they could be 14 or 15 check in. Then I come to find that they also act this age. They were all from the UK too, ‘on holiday’ of course. Tyler and I just can’t get over it, because there are only like 10 beds in our hostel and 4 of them are probably underage. So at about noon Tyler and I head out for another day.
We spent a great deal of time in these underground Labrynths. It was so cool at first, because I have never even really been to a cave before, and we were just wandering around aimlessly, and all of the books we had read said that it’s really easy to get lost.
We entered the labrynth, and we see all of these old cave paintings. Like, the stuff you see on National Geographic and the History Channel, so it’s really cool. Then we see all these old stone carvings and statues and it’s like this is awesome! Then we see something called: Labrynth of Another World. So we’re like, uh sign us the fuck up! We go in and apparently like 40 years ago, they were excavating these caves and found a foot print. It was carbon dated to the Eocene era…but the print didn’t match up with any Homo Sapien forebearer known to anthropologists. So everyone thinks it might like an alien or something. I’m like, ok this is just sweet. But then we think we see said foot print…and it’s literally a nike shoe print.
Is this a joke? We can’t figure it out. It’s literally this NIKE FOOTPRINT FOSSILZED in stone, with chains all around it so no one can touch it. Is this the alien print or another? We don’t know, but we keep going. We then find fossils of computer screens…and ….coca cola bottles. I know. We don’t get it. Soon, we learn that this whole place is a like, a stupid shrine to post-materialism or something. And these caves used to be a bunker during WWII, so they just fosslied a bunch of stuff that’s been here ever since, like microphones and chairs and shit. And so when really think about it, we can’t even tell if the cave paintings are real. Are the statues just imports? We don’t know and are kind of getting fed up because these caves went from being way cool to semi-stupid. Furthermore, we keep ending up at the entrance, so it’s really not huge at all. It’s actually quite small. Oh, and all around the place are all these people dressed up in period outfits. Like, there are these guys dressed up as monks walking around with bibles and these renaissance women sewing and carrying grains and shit, I don’t really know why.
All of a sudden, I walk past this guy in a GRIM REAPER COSTUME. Seriously. These caves are barely navigable in some parts because it’s so dark and this guy is just creeping around in a black Halloween cape thing and a white mask. I actually think he was just standing there to scare people. Or kill them. Regardless, I was really happy to be with Tyler b/c he’s like 6 foot 4 and I know that no one’s gonna fuck around with us.
So then I see another of those monk guys, and by now they’re just cracking me up, b/c they’re all like 16 years old and they’re totally not monks, and they look totally bored, and they remind me of like, the people who have to dress up as Donald Duck at Disneyworld or something ya know? So I unexpectedly make eye contact with this one monk….and he sees me kind of laughing….and he TOTALLY cracks up. Like, he knows what I’m thinking and he’s just like ‘yeah…my job sucks.’
So that was the highlight of my trip thus far. Tyler and I are totally ready to get out of here by now though, and even though we had found the entrance like 4 times, we now couldn’t find our way around. We ask one of the lovely maidens for help, and bam, the same monk is there. He comes up to us because he’s obviously bored and we’re having a semi-conversation, and so I have to take this opportunity to talk to him. It was so great. He didn’t speak much English, but this was the best part:
J: So…do you like this job?
M: Yeah…it’s…really funny.
So good. I love that people here also have really shitty jobs that they just have to deal with. Like Burger King employees here. Oh man. I don’t ever go to Burger King in the US, so I don’t know what it’s like there, but people here have to wear these TERRIBLE shirts and even MATCHING PANTS and I’ve been to a Burger King twice now (shut up), but both times, all I can think about is how I feel so bad for these poor employees. But at the same time, it’s so funny, because I have totally been there with Subway, and my stupid fucking summer camp shirt that I’ll never wear again, and the River Room, and it’s just so good.
Then we go back to the hostel, and the Egyptian guy has now apparently kidnapped 3 of the 4 fourteen year olds and he’s making them all watch these youtube videos of Hungarian Breakdancers on this flat screen monitor in his room. One of the kids is in our room and says to ‘Can you think of an excuse for me to get my friends back from the Egyptian guy? They have at least twenty minutes of breakdancing left and I need to rescue them.’ I didn’t have any ideas. About 15 minutes later, they all came in to the room again (followed by Sayid), obviously feigning sleepiness. It was actually really great. They were all like
‘I am sooo tired.’
‘I know!!! I can barely keep my eyes open…’
‘Yeah…I need to lay down.’
So anyway, I’m leaving for India in 5 days and I’m excited. I think I really did a good thing by doing Europe first. I wasn’t nervous about going to Europe at all, since I had already been here and it’s so easy to get around. I was just sad to leave Jason and my home behind. Now, I’m somewhat nervous about going to India, but I’m not sad about leaving anything behind. I’m actually happy to just be moving right along with this trip!
Seriously. Travelling for so long has really taken a toll on me. I am so ready to just settle down somewhere and stay there. I wanna unpack my shit, relax, and just have a daily routine. In other words, I’m very much looking forward to going to India. It’s also nice because someone’s picking me up at the airport and I don’t have to just wander around almost aimlessly anymore. I can’t even put into words how surreal it was to arrive in Frankfurt a month ago…and just feel like I had the entire world in front of me and I was totally clueless as to how to navigate it. Thankfully, I won’t feel that much pressure again anytime on my trip.
Knock on wood.
On another note, I don’t really know how my blog will be affected by my transition to India. I mean, I won’t be going around from place to place almost daily anymore. Instead, I’ll be stationary and busy. But, I won’t leave you guys hanging, so don’t worry :) And Tyler’s name is really Tristan.
- Josh A
PS has anyone seen all the Sassy Gay Friend vids?? So funny. If not, follow please!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnvgq8STMGM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQhkzYVlLl8&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKttq6EUqbE&feature=channel
Oh, and this :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6n1rnMKlcc&feature=related
PPS – I talked with this girl who had just gotten back from Berlin, and apparently, the site where Hitler killed himself is now a parking lot. Germany doesn’t want to glorify his memory or anything though, so it’s not marked or toured or anything, but if you ask around, you can easily find it. Apparently, the locals use it as a place for their dogs to take a shit.
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