Cracka

So, I’m gonna talk about being white. This is because since my arrival in India, I have learned a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘white privilege.’ You see, even though I am half white, and half latino, I still recognize and have always recognized that I am socioeconomically white. I look white, I identify with white culture, I don’t speak Spanish, I have an American accent, and I grew up in a household with an income very close to that of my peers’ parents. However, I do still consider myself ethnically of mixed heritage. I mean, it doesn’t matter if I consider myself to be Canadian, phenotypically speaking, you are what you are. I just mean that I will not shy away from my heritage. I am not exactly a leader in cultural exchange among my peers, but I do embrace and am proud of my Mexican American background (though I realize that my experience as a Mexican American is completely different from the experience of most other Mexican Americans, but maybe I’ll talk about this more later), as much as I am proud to be gay. I understand that I would not be the same person I am today or have the same outlook on the world if I were not of mixed heritage, specifically white and Mexican American, and gay. Sometimes, I wish I were a woman, or jewish (a Mexican jew!) just so I could have the complete package. I am left-handed though.

Right. So anyway, my ultimate point is that, even though I would usually be classified as an outsider looking in, I really feel as though I have spent most of my life as a part of the privileged masses. Growing up, neither my ethnicity nor sexual orientation were ever that big of a deal that I felt as though I was part of an oppressed minority. Growing up in Iowa has its perks, and I feel that I was extremely lucky to grow up there, for many reasons. I mean, Iowa is a progressive state. It may not be a liberal state, but I think most would agree that Iowa (and especially southeastern Iowa) is a progressive place, although there is definitely a small-town attitude in many ways.

This is something that definitely came through in the attitudes of the people I went to high school with. I feel, in general, that while most people in small-town southeastern Iowa may not exactly be world travellers or intellectually open-minded, they tend to view the different with a tinge of curiosity, rather than judgment. I mean, gossip still abounds and attention can be very annoying, but I will always defend the small town area that I grew up in as not being your typical rural environment. I mean, remember how Solon’s choir director came out as gay to his entire choir and it was totally cool and they all still loved him? And remember how we had teachers like Mr. Wilkins and Mrs. Cary and Mrs. B who would just take off time from school or spend their summers going on trips to Africa and China and Europe? Or how there were minorities like Susan or myself or Patrick at Tipton, but I never once witnessed that being a problem?

Being gay had its downside sometimes, but I will still admit that I never lost a friend over the fact that I was attracted to boys. If anything, I changed the attitudes of many friends. I actually changed Winston’s attitudes so much that when he was supposed to write a paper about one person who has changed his life for the better, he chose me (I have it! Winston so could not write formally in tenth grade, it’s hilarious. But the actual assignment is so sweet)! And there were lots of people who weren’t even my friends, but stuck up for my right to be gay to people they didn’t have to. I had teachers who would call out their students for saying things like ‘that’s gay’ and I know that more than once, in a class discussion here or there, people would randomly just wax poetic about their support for gay rights. I don’t know if this was just to let me know they were on my side or because they wanted everyone to know how they felt, but I couldn’t help but be really grateful to be surrounded by these people.

To be fair, there was always gossip, but I don’t give a fuck about that. I never have. I was never held back from scholarships or esteemed positions at my school. I was still in NHS and somehow elected to Homecoming Court (still SO funny, I don’t even know how this happened) and was VP of Concert Choir and won scholarships, and when I go back to visit Tipton, it’s never even an issue. And I mean, everyone knows it too. It’s not like oh they just don’t know. I remember Mrs. Johnson even knowing senior year, and people telling me that their parents would be like ‘So…why doesn’t Josh have a girlfriend?’ in really obvious tones and shit. But it’s like, when I go back, people are so friendly to me and I’m always so amazed at how welcome I still feel in this tiny town in the middle of nowhere. And all these weird little like, 16 year olds still add me to facebook, and I have no idea why, but at least the fact that I’m probably just ‘that gay guy who graduated awhile ago’ doesn’t deter them from adding me.

And honestly, I will always be thankful for this. I could have grown up in Texas, surrounded by anti-gay policies and attitudes, or in Utah or something with the crazy Mormons and been the next Matthew Shepard, or even in southwest Iowa, where I’ve heard being a democrat is on par with supporting child molestation. Currently, I could even marry a man in Iowa! WTF right?!

SO ANYWAY again, my point: I have been extremely lucky to always feel as though I was a culturally, economically and in all-but-name-only part of the privileged majority, rather than the oppressed minority. My vantage point has always been from an American viewpoint though. Now, I’m in India.

Yeah. So, right. It’s like, ok. So I really feel that in the US, if someone from Africa or India or South America (or really anywhere that’s not western Europe) were to come to the US, they would probably be viewed with a lot of negative attitudes by quite a few people. Like, if a Kenyan tourist were to walk into Chanel, people would probably keep an eye on him. I don’t think that this is that ridiculous of an assumption, for many places in the US. Or like, if an American were walking down the street and they met someone wearing a traditional, Indian outfit, they would be likely to wonder why this person is in their country, but probably wouldn’t feel the need to engage them in conversation or invite them into their home. If they did, it’d probably like ‘Umm….this is weird.’ Right? And the same would be true for someone from Europe or Australia, but I feel like if someone was of a darker complexion or of an eastern descent, one would even less likely to embrace their presence. Overall, I feel Americans would probably be thinking that this person was extremely lucky to be able to visit our rich, free, democratic country, and that wherever they live probably isn’t as nice or privileged or even wonder if they’re a refugee, without really any reason to assume that they’re from a war-torn country. And this goes beyond race, but to every minority group. Like, if the average American saw a transgendered person walking down the street, the first reaction would probably be ‘hmm this is so fucking weird’ not compassion or interest. I feel like I could make similar arguments with Mormans (hello, me), homeless people, maybe even amputees or anyone really who doesn’t fit this model that we construct of what normal is.

This is because we as Americans grow up in this kind of bubble. Like, we are the most powerful country in the world, and we define the world order, culturally, economically, politically, etc etc. Our pop music is the world’s pop music, our politicians are world politicians. We control the oil market and churn out the leading scientists and academics, and the list goes on and on, but in every way, as I said in an earlier post, we are in the ‘American age.’ So, we don’t have to know what’s going on in the middle east or what the Basque separatist group is fighting for or what the capital of Hungary is because we are so privileged that none of it really matters to our well-being. We as a state will always be safe and secure, and have access to oil and water and electricity, and our economy most likely will never collapse, and we will always continue to pursue a foreign policy of US Interest, first and foremost. Though things like 9/11 happen, they really still serve to increase our global power and domination.

Coming to a country like India has very much proven to me how this is so true. It’s so jarring to walk down the street here, because there is garbage EVERYWHERE, but I also realize that is only because of western imperialism. We spread capitalism, and other countries need or want to catch up, but states like India lack the infrastructure to do so as gracefully as Western Europe. So, they still consume and they still want to make more money, but there’s no system to deal with all the waste this creates. There’s no welfare system to take care of the elderly, who don’t quite understand the effects of globalization or why their culture is slowly but surely eroding as Dominos and Pizza Huts pop up along the most wealthy avenues.
As a white person in India, I am now witness to many far-flung effects of the current world order (which, for a lack of a better phrase, puts the white, rich countries, starting first and foremost with the US, at the top). Due to the colonial history of India, I actually expected to perhaps be met with some hostility. However, I soon learned that nothing could be further from the truth. I may have mentioned this before, but Indians treat white people as though we are foreign diplomats. Elderly women (yes, elderly women) will get up on the bus so that a white person may have their seat. As my Danish friends ran to catch a train, it literally stopped in its tracks so they could get on, and people did not hesitate to tell them that this would not have happened if their skin was dark.

I think that occurrences like these may be somewhat expected or unsurprising for someone who is educated or well traveled, but today I found out something very interesting about my placement. You see, I haven’t really done much yet as a volunteer. In essence, I’ve just been introduced to a lot of people and shown around. A lot. Though I knew that only being here for four weeks wouldn’t exactly give me the opportunity to change the world, this has still been frustrating. However, after speaking with someone who has volunteered here for many months, I learned something very illuminating.

You see, my friend’s theory is this. Since I am white, I am able to influence others in ways that I can’t even imagine. Like, the simple fact that I am here is enough to make MCCSS (where I am staying) want to parade me around. Showing off the fact that a white person has given up their time and money to visit India and volunteer with them gives them clout. Though I may not actually do very much in my time here, perhaps I’ll inadvertently persuade someone to donate money to this organization.

Or another thing. I have been told many times that hopefully, I will get the chance to speak with the people who this organization works for. Like, they would love it very much if I could talk with the sex workers or homeless children or whoever and just interact with them. At first, this seemed strange. Like, why the fuck would someone who has real problems and issues, like hmmm do I have HIV? Hmmm should try to find somewhere to live or a job even though I’m only 12, want to speak with me? To me, it seems like it’d be very insensitive to just go up to these sex workers, who might have AIDS, and start asking them all these questions about their sex life and whether their pimp abuses them and if they know what condoms are. Ya know? Like, I don’t want to come off as someone who looks at these poor people as freaks or a spectacle. I am perfectly happy with communicating with them and getting to know these people, but I don’t feel the need to interview them or give them advice, because I don’t know one fucking thing about their life or situation and I respect them enough to let them be. I didn’t come here to talk with people. I came here to give my time to an organization. Whether that meant painting a wall, cleaning a desk, filing paperwork, running errands, or helping them spread the word about a self-help group, it didn’t matter. But I didn’t come to be…I dunno, an insensitive westerner.

But, that’s not how the professionals I work for see it. My friend explained it to me pretty simply. Because I’m white, I have clout. People are likely to listen to me, because I’m white. People want to talk with me, because I’m white. People have a sense of respect for me, because I’m white. At first, this didn’t make sense, but when I thought about it, it made total sense. Remember the elderly women on the bus? That’s nothing. What about the random people walking down the street who stop me and ask if we can take a picture together? What about the school children I visited the other night, who could not stop coming up to me and asking ‘Hello how are you?’ and wanting to know my name and hold my hand and just smile at me?

We, as westerners, are powerful. I, as a white westerner, am very powerful. It’s just ridiculously fascinating, because now that I’m in India, I have a whole different outlook on race and the world. I mean, I’ve known for quite some time now how lucky I am to be named Josh Anderson, not Jose Sandoval, and I’ve often wondered why it was that my mother didn’t choose a more ethnic name. Perhaps she did this on purpose, perhaps she didn’t. I’ve also known how lucky I am to look very white, and grow up in a white community. Though I definitely missed out on the obvious cultural experiences that a less homogenous area would provide, all of these things have come together to create a recipe in which my life has been a piece of cake, virtually free of prejudice or discrimination, and accepted by the privileged majority. But this is all within America. This all has to do with my experiences within the the boundaries of the 50 state. Here I am in India, where I’m very much in the minority ethnically, and I’m perhaps even more privileged than I’ve ever known. I hope this is as interesting to you guys as it is to me, and I would honestly love to hear about anyone's experiences travelling abroad when it comes to this topic.

I shall think about this more, and perhaps post an afterthought or two.